Sure you can do it, but do you want to? As a single woman over 40 and beyond there is a conversation that goes on in your mind that you may not even be aware of. It’s the conversation that tries to convince you that you don’t really need a man in your life.
It can happen during those times you have been feeling lonely and depressed about not meeting a good man. A romantic movie can trigger that feeling or hearing about a woman from your divorce support group who just got engaged to her ideal mate. It can be triggered by that feeling of being overwhelmed from handling every problem on your own.
Everything from financial issues, health concerns, car issues, family issues to plumbing issues and the list goes on and on. Life can be daunting at times even for the resilient type of people that seem to handle everything in stride. You may be a divorced woman and single mom whose had to climb your way out of the rabbit hole since your divorce.
You’ve worked hard and long to learn what it takes to be a strong, independent woman who can handle everything on your own. It’s very obvious to anyone that knows you… you don’t need a man in your life. In fact you wear it like a badge of honor. Or you may be a divorced single woman whose self esteem is damaged to the point that you can’t quite believe that any decent man would be interested in you.
If you’re a single mom you think who would be interested in a woman over 40 with two teenage daughters. That was what I thought after my divorce. Or you may be in your 50’s or 60’s and figure you’re too old to attract a man other than a guy in his 80’s. So you convince yourself that you don’t really need a man in your life. You can muddle through on your own okay. In either scenario you’re in denial.
If you’re a strong independent woman you don’t want to deal with all the underlying emotions that are the residue left after divorce or from childhood. So you play out the role of the strong woman ‘I don’t need a man card’, and that does a very good job at keeping any decent men at bay.
On the other hand if you’re a woman whose self esteem is keeping you stuck… then to protect yourself from the disappointment and rejection… you convince yourself you don’t need a man in your life. Using your low self worth as your armor you can easily keep yourself hidden from the good guys. So why do I say you’re in denial?
Because underneath all the pain that divorce bestows on you is the desire to be with a trustworthy man that has your back and will love and cherish you through both the good and the bad times. And yes men like that do exist, I’m sure you know some of them as husbands or sons of friends.
In order to fulfill your heart’s desire to meet your soul mate you need to stop believing all the myths that are floating around the single women over 40 and beyond crowd. Myths like: “All the good men are taken after 40” or “Men your age only want to date younger women”. Or what about the self talk you listen to in your head like: I’m too old, too fat, too tired, too busy, too ugly, etc.
If you’re finally worn out from convincing yourself that you don’t need a man in your life and are ready to open up to what you really want… then start acting and speaking the truth. Stop telling your story to yourself or others and start letting friends, family and co-workers know that you are ready and willing to meet quality men. That’s the first baby step.
By doing this your denial will start open to the truth of what you really want and your ‘authentic self’ will show up in place of the ‘pretend self’ you’ve been showing up with. Now you will start to see some subtle shifts and changes begin to emerge and you’re on your way freedom through honesty rather than denial.